Goodbye to Palm Tree, the duck.

The following is an email sent to parents after saying goodbye to our little buddy, Palm Tree. Living on a farm means seeing the circle of life, up close and all the highs and lows that come along. Our animals here are all pets and rescues and we make a conscious effort to honour life, even after they have passed on.

Sadly, today we said our goodbye’s to Palm Tree, our sweet and silly duck. I had to put her down on Tuesday after the vet found a tumour near her kidneys. She has been rapidly declining for the last month and a half as we tried multiple treatments. Jeff and I buried her under the walnut trees on Tuesday evening and today I had to break the news to the kiddos.

I’m writing to let you know because this was a hard goodbye, Palm Tree was an integral part of our funny little farm and her presence is already so missed. Palm tree brought a smile to every person that set foot on this property and nothing was more delightful than watching her waddle around, marching to the beat of her own drum!

I also wanted to share how we are discussing and processing this news as a group as it is a very tricky topic! Throughout the years i’ve had many questions from families about how to handle this situation, so I figured I would write out a little something.

First, we’ve been talking about how Palm Tree was unwell over the last month, I’ve been pointing out her symptoms, over the last month, so the children did have an understanding that her condition was progressing.

At snack today, I let them know that the vet had found a tumour, which was a large mass of cells that was hurting her body. I explained that if a human has a tumour that doctor can do surgery to help the person become healthy, but that is not possible with a duck. One of the kiddos brought up about how sometimes when an animal is dying, it is the kind thing to do to help it die, I explained that the vet gave her an injection that would do that. I tried to explain it with as technical(and age appropriate) of a definition as I could, and leaned away from blanket comments like “she was sick” as sometimes that can make the common cold a scary thing for children. I showed them her X-ray and pointed out the tumour and explained that it was pushing on a nerve to her leg that make it hard for her to walk and unable to eat.

Inevitably, conversations about afterlife comes up in situations like this. I let them talk about what they believe happens after death, some suggested heaven or that her spirit would turn into something else. We talked about how every family has different ideas about what happens after death and that its okay to have different beliefs. We discussed how when beings die, their bodies stay dead and don’t become alive again(this can be a common misconception for kiddos.)

We talked about emotions and how its normal to be sad about it, but it’s also okay if you feel mad, or happy about other things or even a few feelings at once! I let them know i’m always here for a hug or if they want to tell stories about Palm Tree.

Lastly, we talked about how we could honor our friend and settled on a few ideas. We sang her a song, picked her flowers, decorated some rocks and the children surrounded her grave with their shells from the sandbox. We also decided we would print some pictures of her and write notes for a book. It was really sweet to see the care and love they put in to a respectful goodbye. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about their kindness.

The kiddos also cracked up watching silly videos on my phone of Palm when she was a duckling, pooping on the rug, that was probably the highlight of the day.

Big conversations for preschool, but unfortunately that is a sad reality of having all these animals around. Kids are naturally curious and often confused by the concept of death. Having these tricky, but open conversations around this topic can make it easier for them to process and understand the concept when they eventually have to say harder goodbye’s in their life. I anticipate this conversation will continue at school and wouldn’t be surprised if the topic spilled over into home conversations.

Sending lots of love.